I skipped work to stalk him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
