she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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