My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
