um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
