girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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