I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
