I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we're making bets on your personal life
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
