I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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