Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
