We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
