hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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