As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Enjoy the penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
