Whod you bang
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have already put on my inside pants.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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