I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
