the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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