Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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