We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
