When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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