I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
