Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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