His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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