she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
