You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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