I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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