I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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