This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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