So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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