There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
