this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
