I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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