Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
