dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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