The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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