i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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