Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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