That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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