The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
