Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
