my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
