3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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