Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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