it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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