I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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