Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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