you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I touched a dick in church today
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
