Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
