I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
