My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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