Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
