Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
