and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
