Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
