I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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