Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
