he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
