I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
