I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
