Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
