Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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