there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize