He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
