I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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