The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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